Who is a friend??

Who is a friend??
One question that I have pondered all my life with very little success. Though the terminology may be pretty common, it still has a greater meaning. I know not, what it means to others, but for thyself it means so much more than a mere companion and a soulmate. And what best, than to have so many companions. People who know me would know that I am a happy-go-lucky PJ master, Kadi mannan (PJ king in tamil) and so on and so forth. Why am I bragging about this in a blog on friendship....well, people might as well know the other side of this and what transformed me into one.

During my primary school days, I had one friend in all. A friend, no less; someone who would nod for whatever I said and did. Someone who would never ever question my actions and thoughts. I had another friend who ceased to be one, the days we had a fisticuff and left me bleeding on my forehead. I was forced to see friendship, in someone who stood by my side. In my fifth class, came along another good friend. As soon as he arrived at school, people were talking about his great academic records. For the first time in my school life, I felt insecure. Was it because I was feeling the pressure of staying the topper in class. Or was it simply that I was being jealous of a newcomer. If they looked upon me for Debate and Quizzing, they started to have this new guy for Poetry and singing/dancing. I felt that god was being unfair to me here. How could there be someone who could turn to be a rival to me.

When I got to know this guy personally, my thoughts and actions took a turn for the better. I was always cribbing that I do not get what I wanted. Being the monitor of the class, I was previleged to complain to the class teacher. In one such case, this guy did something wrong and that gave me an opportunity to make him feel who the boss is. I went to my class teacher and
complained about it. I even recommended that he be asked to bring his father for this slip. When my teacher told me about his difficult life and how he was surviving against all odds inspite of losing his parents at such a young age, I could not react at all.

His story somehow moved me so much, and I felt that here was someone who is resilient inspite of the odds. Our friendship blossomed from compassion and were indeed great to be together during that year. What an inspiration he was to all of us in class. He was always someone I drew inspiration. Things would however change soon and I would soon get into one of the bigger schools in Chennai. When I went to check with my wonderful little friend's status, he had moved elsewhere, as his brother got transferred. How I cherish those days and how much I miss him. For someone whom I knew for hardly a year, he left indelible marks in the lives of everyone at school. How some people leave their footprints in our lives in such a short duration of time.

Then came along another friend, whom I had known since childhood and we became very thick friends very soon. We are family friends stretching across 3 generations. Being in the same class and being just a street away helped too. Somehow over the years I had got into the habit of having single friends, someone with whom I would be close and the rest hi-bye types. This childhood friend of mine taught me a lesson or two. I would thank him for what I am today, because if not for him, I could have been still hanging out with individuals as ever. I would not have found myself part of groups and gatherings that I m very much part of.

Reminds me of George Micheal

"Time can never mend.....careless whispers of a good friend"

Sarcasm apart, this one proved to me what it meant to have a single friend. You lose that friend and you do not have too many options. The reasons for the breakup could be manifold but the bottomline is that your feeling of friendship towards someone may not necessarily be the same for others. He showed me that friendship is not something that you ask, but something that you need to give. When he broke my heart one day, saying that my friendship meant very little to him, comparing it to someone else's, whom he hardly knew for a year, I was shell-shocked. I could not digest the fact for months together. I am still not sure as to what made him think that way. How could he say that and the least that was expected were such harsh words from a trusted childhood pal. I was very demanding with him and maybe that was something that pained him more than anything else. I sat down and started thinking why am I finding this hard to accept. Was I expecting something in return from my beloved friend. Was I being selfish? Isn't friendship supposed to be without terms and conditions? Maybe I was faulty on that count, expecting too much. I made a self-analysis, trying to find out within myself. Am I to be blamed for the mess. Was he the guilty party in the entire episode.

My inner mind told me that rather than find fault with others, it was better to introspect. I spoke to many people regarding this and the common opinion was that I needed to forget this move on. Afterall, he is not the only friend(should I say that..) in the world. I made a very consious effort to get more friendly with people. It is easy to set rules, but very difficult to follow them yourself. I m not projecting that I am perfect here but then life teaches so many things and we should ideally work towards weeding out the unnecessary ones to make our lives better. We have patched up as friends, but it can never be the same again.

That single episode indeed changed the way life personifies itself. From a shy, introvert to an outspoken and bizarre creature the transformation was incomprehensible. Maybe it was destined to be that way. I have learnt to live with it. I am happy that I am having so many friends now that it becomes near impossible to make time for everyone. I have moved on and
things have luckily moved in the right direction. Friends since then have been great, I have started expecting less and things have started falling into place like a Jigsaw. If I had realised this earlier, maybe things might have turned out differently.

The inspiration to write this blog on friendship came from the fact that this month had been lucky for me. Friends, who were out of touch from School, College and my workplaces have suddenly become accessible. Thank the internet for this or my own extra efforts(or is it???), it has indeed been a fruitful month so far, atleast with my find-your-old-friends project. The
saga continues as I use every option to go in search of more friends.